wordsout
< st john's ealing >
Lines written in praise of Michael and Kate Coulson
on the occasion of their departure from St John's to reside in Birmingham in September 1999, after the manner of Sir William Topaz McGonagall, Poet and Tragedian
I
dedicate my ode
to Mike and Kate Coulson
for whom in praise
I could not be more fulsome
(two great
Caledonian people, and who dare say
they are not?
for though Michael
claims to be a Geordie, by
temperament and by marriage he is
certainly
a Scot)
as they leave us
for the great city of Birmingham
taking their three
boys James, Andrew and Sam.
They
will first be
remembered as those two
brave souls
who chose to
reverse their domestic roles
and Kate it was who
went out in the profession
of law to work
but Michael as
househusband did not his
duties shirk
for surely the
stress of being a solicitor
is more restful
than spending the day picking up
Hula Hoops from the floor
though Kate hasn’t
yet found, it is sad to tell
a way to let
Michael do the giving birth bit
as well.
And it was a bold
step as I do propose
for someone as
macho as Michael to have chose
and yet who would
dare think himself superior
to a man whose job
had once been selling
Guinness in
For at every stage
of Michael’s career
he has always
retained a strong connection
with beer
and when to the
great metropolis he came
with his lovely wee bride
it must be said
that pride in
important to him than London
Pride
and no member of
clergy could resist the charms
of a staff meeting
in the Foresters’ Arms
for he has been a
deputy church warden here since nineteen hundred and seventy three
or at least so it
seems to me
and several members
of the PCC
(although there was
a brief period of backsliding
which few people names
when they sneaked
off to worship at St James).
Now
a ministry has
been given to each
and Kate the
Climbers for so long did faithfully
teach
and at the piano
did grandly play
on many a happy
service I am bound to say
though mostly it
was on Sunday evening
where her skills
will be sorely missed
now that they are levening
for she even knows
what those wee black dots
and lines on the paper mean
which is more than
can be said for many of the
St John's Music Team.
Now
Mike’s manner
was sometimes gruff,
but let it be known throughout the
planet
that beneath this
rough exterior beats a heart
of pure granite.
If Michael had been
one of the twelve that
Jesus chose
he’d have been the
one arranging the seating
for 5000 to sit in rows.
A handyman, an
estate agent and a tough
negotiator
(though he’d buy
you a pint of Directors’ later)
and he kept a cool
head when choosing vicars
where many others
may be getting a twist in
their knickers
and he knew
something no-one had ever known
in
that was the right
key for every single door
(although it is
said that one night
his concentration slipped
and
in the crypt)
but he did not have
to do all this alone
as we have found
For St Johns has a
caretaker who lives
underground
and between Michael
and Gary the teamwork
was plain,
the Batman and
Robin of
They would furnish
the buildings and fit burglar
alarms
so none of the
staff might come to harms
and yet when the
hard work is done and the
time comes to play, O
then Mark Sheard
the church warden arrives
in his Alpha Group Romeo
and takes all the
glory with his smooth manner
and terrible shirts
and the real heroes
never get their
proper deserts.
Yet
his greatest
achievement, we will say with
feeling
was to fix the
clock of
For many years time
had stood still
from the days of
Stan until shortly before
the coming of Will
you never knew if
you were late or soon
for it was always
either midnight or noon
(though some did
say, and this seemed churlish
to me,
that this was
normal in the CofE).
But Michael did
tackle the diocese of
and Willesden
and made sure they
would pay the Billesden
and he supervised
the workers almost every day
to make sure they
finished without delay
and he was not
above cajoling and scolding
especially those
who erected the scaffolding
so much that they threatened
to sue everyone
in sight
and things were not
settled till Mark Sheard stepped in with his impression of
Madeleine
Allbright
but Mike’s diligent
labours did get their reward
and time moves on
again now the clock
has been restored
so whene’er we look
up at the
we will remember
them with deep and grateful
feeling.
So let us all give
thanks for Mike and Kate
Coulson
for whom in praise
I could not be more fulsome.
Read at a morning service at St John's, West Ealing, September 13th 1999.