wordsout
< st john's ealing >
The
wonderful thing about
Bavvers
for John Bavington, May 2002, on his
departure from St Johns to become a vicar in
Bradford, to the tunes of "The Wonderful Thing About Tiggers"
followed by "My Old Man's a Dustman"
Oh the wonderful thing about Bavvers,
is Bavvers are wonderful things,
their tops are made out of rubber
their bottoms are made out of springs.
They’re bouncy trouncy bouncy trouncy
fun fun fun fun fun,
but the most wonderful thing about Bavvers is
he’s…the only one!
(Yes
he’s…the only one!)
Oh
the wonderful thing about Jeannie
is Jeannie’s a wonderful wife—
she wakes him up in the mornings
(just)
and
generally runs his life.
She’s clever, cheery, thoughtful,
thorough
and
she cooks his meals
and washes his dirty football kit
—imagine
how that
feels!
(Imagine
how that feels!)
Oh
he cuts a dash at the football,
athletically leading the field—
energy isn’t a problem,
those Methodists soon
will yield.
He’s running, passing, running,
passing,
playing heart and soul—
if he only could fathom out the right
direc…tion for the goal
(the
right direc…tion for the goal!)
Oh
the wonderful thing about curates
is curates can choose everything
like the hymns and the prayers and the
readings,
and the songs
that the people must sing.
First you find a jolly tune
that everybody
knows
and you make up some words and some actions
and this—is
how it goes!
(Yes this…is how it goes)
Oh
his old man’s a missionary,
he lives in
to become an Englishman.
Got a place at bible college
and a
doubled-barrelled name
(somehow “Allen Bavington” just
wouldn’t sound
the same.
When
they sent him down to Ealing
to learn his stock in trade
he stood up before the meeting
and the
congregation prayed.
Then he led them into worship
and church with
praises rang
and he said “Let’s do some Action
songs”
so
this is what they sang—Oh—
Chorus
(To a “tune” of great simplicity, with actions)
God wants me to wave my hands and
dance
until it hurts (Oi
Oi Oi)
God is Fab! He’s A-maz-ing!
Jesus is my Best Pal—and
he loves orange
shirts!
(la la la la la la la)
Well
he
cuts a dash on Sundays,
his choice of colours fine—
his fashion makes a statement that
says
“OK, I
resign”.
With his Colgate smile and handshake
and his
fine young head of
hair
and his legendary waistline—
but
no, we
won’t go there—
He’s
never late for meetings,
they just always start too soon
and John’s idea of morning
might be yours of
afternoon.
If you’re the evening service
speaker,
twenty
minutes is your slot
but John makes time so flexible,
he fits in
such a lot—
Chorus
every clergyman must learn
and John’s been very diligent
since it has
been his turn.
He’s studied to be patient
and I’m sure you
all can tell
with careful overseeing Will is
coming on
quite well—
After
Sunday evening service
he loves to go to Links—
teenagers need to be with those
who know the way they thinks.
Oh how will they replace him,
could
someone else so cool and trendy
and more or
less their age?
Chorus
If
you want some sporting action,
and you think you have the nerve,
if there’s anyone for tennis
John is always
keen to serve.
But his reign as singles champion
must be over
now we fear—
tell Goran
Ivanisevic
its safe to come next year.
He’s
the
star of paper hockey
and Funzone Scalextric track,
he can win at table tennis
with one hand
behind his back.
Who wants to be a Smartypants,
“Come on you guys”
he grins—
It’s not that he’s
competitive,
he just makes sure he
wins—
Chorus
Down
at Funzone he’s well wicked
and everyone can see—
Oh golly its fantastic it’s an
awesome place
to be.
Oh life’s a bouncy castle,
though sometimes
they go too far—
there’s a rumour that they actually
let him
play guitar.
He’s
nearly made the grade now, he can be
all things to all men,
and he lets the others staff do
something
every now and then.
He can preach through Lamentations,
put
heretics on the skids,
but they can’t make him a vicar yet cos
he
hasn’t got four kids—BUT
Chorus
John
and Jeanie and all Bavingtons
and Allens have to leave—
we’ll put armbands on our coloured shirts
to
show how much we
grieve—
and the M1 up to Bradford
is a long long way to go
so when youre heading down to Canterbury,
drop in and say hello—for
Final
chorus
John is Fab! John is Groovy!
(but we won’t have to wave our hands
and dance
until it hurts—Oi
Oi Oi!)
John is Fab! He’s A-MAZ-ing!—
Jesus is his best pal…and he loves orange
shirts!
Written
with major contributions from Katherine Firth. Performed at the
morning service at