wordsout
<
friends
>
Lines
written in praise of
Geoffrey Shattock
on
the occasion of the twentieth Anniversary of his ordination into the
Christian Ministry,
after the manner of Sir William Topaz McGonagall, Poet and Tragedian
I
write in praise of the ministry of
Geoffrey Paul Shattock, BSc,
a man whose credentials have always been
obvious to see,
who was ordained a minister on a sabbath day in
December Nineteen
Hundred and
Seventy Nine
a fact which will affect us all for a very long time.
His
calling was clear at an early age,
as he spoke well and always looked good in beige,
and as a young man keen to impress,
he did write the famous song Progress,
about revisiting a church which had become
a bingo hall,
and which though not precisely true in the literal
sense was clearly a
paraball,
insofar as it meant anything at all.
For this at his University he was something
of a sage
who did bring John Stott and Cliff Richard to
the stage,
one of whom was still quite a young man,
though Cliff was already in
middle age.
and so inspired, Geoff enrolled as a student to be
at a place called LBC
but discovered too late his aberration
for he had thought it was a radio station
and thus suffered the first of many setbacks
thus far
in his plan to establish a career in the media.
But his academic prowess was plain for all
to see,
for he could pass exams effortlessly
and not having to attend lectures give him
plenty of time free
and there did he also meet his future bride, Maria
and said to her with great charm “Hey you,
come here”
and for her great beauty unto her he did
marriage propose
(not forgetting her parent’s holiday home
in the
and Maria, her English not yet being quite up
to speed,
thought he was offering to help with her
homework and so she agreed,
and so they were married (twice so it was told
to me,
giving us a new perspective on serial monogomy)
and thus he was ordained into the church
at Knighton
which event many in the establishment
did frighten.
His first job was surely not an option that
was soft,
being the Brethren Cathedral of Woodcroft,
but his words did branch out and catch fire
when he spoke
for he lived in Burnt Oak
(that was a wee joke)
of which truly it has been said (by him) and offen
that in the morning you woke to hear the
birds coughin.
And there in a flat he did instal his hi fi and his
wife, it is true,
the great love of his life (and he was fond of
Maria too).
But at this point she was not showing maternal
inclination
and so he had no children he could use as a
sermon illustration
so instead they got a boxer dog called Hutch
who endures in our memories for his lightness
of touch
and who did see off the drunks on the stairs
to their flat at night,
but after a while he got to recognise Geoff
so that was all right.
And Geoff was a travelling musician, as you
may guess,
to
would listen to Progress
and at this time he did venture to God’s own land
for a mission at the
which was
grand,
but where things got somewhat out of hand
for there he met with the poet and occasional
Art Garfunkel
impersonator
sorely testing the theory that in God We
May Trust.
Their musical alliance was ordained from above
as you could tell from their first public
performance of Bye
Bye Love,
but whether anyone was saved in that mission
is not recorded
and thankfully neither were the songs for a
decent PA system as usual
could not
be
afforded.
Back at Woodcroft everything was being turned
upside down,
and it is true that sometimes the elders there
did frown
when they sang choruses and the local punks
did come and pogo in line,
which Graham Kendrick had not anticipated when
he wrote Shine Jesus
Shine
but none of this did cause the congregation
as many hurts
as did the colours of Glyn Burns’ shirts
and so although he spoke with passion
Geoff can be said truly to be a victim of fashion.
And so after a famous operation upon his
big knee,
he joined he Society of Shaftesbury
and carried the gospel forth
moving upmarket into Kensington
(brackets North)
and there by where the A40 Motorway thunders
he served out his ministry of Signs and Logos.
Many will remember his work who will enter
what is now known as the Latymer Christian
Centre,
for a small and British congregation he was
soon able
to turn into a passable imitation of the
of
and here he learned the lesson that would
save him much time wastings
that its not what you know that counts, as long
as you know Mike
Hastings.
And he did train many of the local unemployed,
who very much his overhead projector slides
enjoyed.
And to help him Maria could not have
been keener
so he employed her as the centre’s cleaner
and in the winters it was cold and dark on many
a lonely night
and so Susannah was born and brought them
both much delight.
but
at Latymer he could not
stay
for he was called by the LBA
who coveted his gifts and were so determined
to get ‘em
they offered him the chance to live abroad, and
so they moved to
Streatham
where they found him a palatial house fit for
his needs
with a cupboard big enough at last for all his
speakers, microphones
and leads,
and he fulfilled his task as a great encourager
and church reviver
and gained sufficient working knowledge
of London to become a minicab driver.
And Shattock and Rust did perform their
legendary show with wit and
joy
den
bringing fame and glory as far wide as Peckham
and East Croyden
and with Breakthru and Manageable Missions
many did hear the call
and now they know how many Baptists it takes
to fill the Albert Hall.
But
at last came the job that he did not
shirk
as he broke the habit of lifetime to
Wake Up
To Work!
And his career at last is set
as head of the Great Corporate Partnership
of WorkNet
where Bill Gates does his ministry anoint
for he has traded his overhead slides
for Powerpoint
an the amazing range of services and training
now offered is a dream
and they are all fulfilled by WorkNet’s highly
skilled and dedicated
consulting
team.
But yet in this it must be confessed
that Geoff has been quite highly stressed
but his anger and wrath, as I must report
is focussed mainly on those who own a
Ford Escort
and certainly their fate will be much worse
if the driver should be a dental nurse.
Geoff is now, I must relate,
the only boy racer to own a Volvo Estate
(for in truth in his early ministry he a car did
not drive
but went everywhere in a Renault 25)
and now he is an author and on Premier Radio
is often heard to talk
and only last week someone almost mistook him
for Steve Chalke
and he has shared a platform with
Anne Widdicombe
(or perhaps that was the Millennium Dome?).
His gifts are many and his skills are Meta
and even his piano playing is getting a wee
bit better
so let us drink our red wine in his honour (before
he empties the
bottle)
to a man who balances life and work and while
doing both at full
throttle
whose spiritual stature exceeds even that of
his physique
and who exercises at least twice a week,whose
power in speaking is not called into question
so that nowadays he is only heckled by
his own
digestion
and so we praise of the ministry of Geoffrey Paul
Shattock, almost MSc
a man whose credentials have always been
obvious to see,
who was ordained a minister on a sabbath day in
December Nineteen
Hundred and
Seventy Nine,
a fact which has affected us all for a very
long time!
Read
at the celebration of this
event, December 4th 1999.