wordsout
< st john's ealing >
Welcome Reverend Pete
on the occasion of Peter McKenzie’s
Collation, May 2008,
to a
calypso tune of generic structure
Well I had to come when I heard the news,
they said get to St John cos they’re filling
the pews,
they said the Bishop’s going to do some
collating and then
I said “Oh no the photocopier’s not broken
again?”
They said no we got to tell you confidentially
they’re wearing robes for the first time
this century—
all the diocese is in a total frenzy
cos today is the induction of Peter MacKenzie!
Oh
welcome Reverend Pete!
You know the word is on the street
we got a surplice of clergy from the chancel
to
the ceiling.
You’ve come a long way here for your ministry
from beyond the Hangar Lane gyratory:
you’ve had a Harrowing time but now its time
for Healing.
Well the search for a vicar went far and wide
we combed the streets and the countryside—
you could tell that the hunt was getting
desperate when
we even put an ad in the CEN.
Cos when a church like this has lost its Will
it's hard to find a man or a woman to fit the bill:
there’s two things you need, and here’s
the truth—
that’s a Scottish surname and a wife called Ruth.
So welcome Reverend Pete,
our search is now complete
because you’ve come to save our souls and cure
our ills den.
And the St John church got a brand new boss
but tho his name is Sterling he won’t gather
no moss
because he knows you got to answer for that to
the man from Willesden.
You’ll
find your staff so loyal and they know
your worth
and they’ll follow you to the ends of the earth
(in fact they’ve put into practice immediately
one's going to live in
Frinton-on-Sea
feeling sick
I thought I’d missed the rapture cos
they’re
leaving so quick
but you and Mark and Dave will get
along
just
fine
and you should meet Tom—he’ll turn up
sometime
the word
cos there’s not many sermons that they
haven’t
heard
I don’t say you need to have a lot of
knowledge
but when the last one left they sent him
back
to college.
this church is so fiery that it burn down
twice—
but the people want to grow spiritually.
They want to hear the word of God from you
the lay preachers are fine and their
teaching’s
true
And Mark Sheard sometimes finishes
as early as
half past three.
Well
now you got a congregation or two—
not so much a flock, more a farmyard or zoo—
and there’s the
and the Arabic church with their
singing
and
prayer—
we’re a Pentecostal place you see,
you gotta speak in tongues to get a cup of tea
and there's a place called the
Maze but I
ain’t
got
enough hair,
all the fresh expressions they rolling on and
on.
So Welcome Reverend Pete,
you know we think it’s really neat
that you should leave the Church of
England and
come here to
Well
nine vicars have been the prime
minister here
so we say welcome to Number 10 its clear
you’ve been induced and collated to the ministry
in this corner of postmodernity.
We don’t expect miracles all the time
we’re OK with water and we’re fine with wine
we just want to see Jesus is alive
in W7 13 and 5.
Welcome
to you
and your family—
Abigail and Anna and Ruth makes three—
and what I say I say for all of us with feeling:
Welcome Reverend Pete,
take up the Mercy and the Judgment Seat—
you’ve
done the Harrowing, so let’s get on
with Healing!
Performed during the Collation of the Rev Peter
Mackenzie as vicar of