wordsout by godfrey rust
< st john's ealing >

Joan's Birthday Picnic

for Joan Hills' on her 75th birthday, April 1st 2007, to the tune of The Teddy Bears' Picnic.

If you go down to the church today
you'd better go in disguise,
you’ll find Joan Hills is looking around
for something to organize:
a trip in a coach for which take charge
or maybe a creche for Little and Large
for any event she thinks it is meant for a picnic.

When you see Joan you have to look twice,
she’s wearing a different hat,
and she lives alone, well truer to say,
she shares her house with a cat—
but that’s not at all, don’t go up the stairs
for if you do you’ll be caught unawares
for that’s the place the teddy bears have
     their picnic.

Bedrooms full of teddy bears,
the little teddy bears are
having a wonderful time today!
Joan loves all her teddy bears,
she likes to talk to them
and take them away on holiday.
Well there’s nothing strange in that,
a lot of people imagine that cuddly toys
     are alive

its just they usually find out the truth
round about the age of six
and don’t go on till they’re seventy-five!

If there’s a social event coming up
and you want to be entertained,
you can count on Joan to amuse with her music
she’s never been classically trained,
but she’ll do a song with Dorothy King
(there’s nothing racy that they cannot sing…)
The Monday Fellowship isn’t always a picnic.

But when it comes to catering
that is the place in which
she’s unchallenged queen of her domain…
Think of the cholesterol
that’s made a feature of the
thicker vicars of Mattock Lane.
You just want a cup of tea
but have a flapjack a sandwich
a brownie and I have a hunch
you’ll be at the mercy of Joan’s bread pudding
if you don’t watch your step
so stay away from the Drop In Lunch!

If you go down to the church today,
you’d better go carefully
for everyone is gathered because
of her three-quarter century
she’s seen them come, and she’s seen them
but they all have a place in her great big heart
for when Joan’s in the room
there can never be gloom but a picnic!

Sung in the church lounge on April 1st, 2007.